What Coming Out means to me

Although I am relatively content with my life and I have come out of the closet to some people, I have equally chosen to not come out of the closet to others.

Coming out of the closet to everyone in my life and to people who know me continues to scare me profoundly.  I can only call this a form of profound fear because I am afraid of the awkwardness it might create for me and I fear the negative consequences of losing the things that I hold dear – this includes my sense of self, the validation and respect of some friends, some colleagues, some relatives and my in-laws – I fear what they would think and how they would react. Do I really want to know what they think about my sexuality? NO! Do they really need to know what my sexuality is? NO!  Do they need to know I am not monogamous sexually? NO! More

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Taking the risk to share my lifestyle choice with others

I had to ponder a bit about what I would like to contribute to this month’s theme on ‘risk’. This is purely because I have shared a lot of personal insights and experiences about my life with all my stories on ‘OutTales around the Fire’, which I have perceived as  ‘positive risk’ taking, because despite my anxiety around the positive or negative comments my stories may generate, the sharing of the stories has been an outlet for me and quite cathartic; and I am sharing my stories with people who may have similar experiences; and the audience of the site (I presume) is mainly same gender loving people who are also sharing their stories to provide insight for others in this wide diaspora of same gender loving peoples. More

Honouring my bisexuality and the desire for Relationship

The attributes that will make me feel whole when it comes to a relationship with a man, is similar to what I already experience and have with my wife. She is good looking, monogamous, my female soul-mate, a best friend, sensitive and gentle, honest, totally unselfish and non-judgemental, very independent, financially secure and independent, intelligent, educated, well mannered, sexually dynamic and open-minded, spiritual, realistic and above all pragmatic.

I began dating my wife when we were in secondary school and I am now 46 years of age, I miss her whenever we are apart; we originally discussed and agreed to make our relationship monogamous (this has since changed on my part due to my bisexuality, albeit I strive to be discrete and respectful); we have open and honest intimate discussions; we make future plans together; we see each other often; we sleep together occasionally; we are happy with each other the majority of the time; we spend the occasional holiday together; we give each other gifts; we see each other’s families as and when required; we discuss our finances jointly; we live together; we have children together; we acquire assets together; and we are married and committed to a lifelong commitment with each other, despite my bisexuality, which is known by my wife, but rarely discussed. More

My First Time experience of being with a man

I was born in the UK to parents of Nigerian descent who came to the UK to study. My parents separated, moved to Nigeria in 1975 and left us with relatives in the UK who eventually sent us to live with my dad in Nigeria in August 1977. I came back to the UK finally in December 1989. My first same gender sexual liaison was in 1993. I had in fact been married for 4 years by this time. I got married in December 1989 before finally moving to the UK. I am still happily married despite going on a difficult journey to accept my sexuality. This personal journey has had a negative and in some cases positive impact on a number of people lives, but it was a journey that I needed to go through. More

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