My Father & I

Dad 327 January 2015 marked the 20th anniversary of the death my father.

I found myself counting down the days, as the 27th approached. 20 years felt significant. I was going to write a blog on the day sharing some reflections on my relationship with him. But when the day finally came, I found that whilst I do experience writing as deeply cathartic and healing, on this occasion it was potentially going to be a way for me to escape from the emotions that were coming up. And so, writing about it faded into the background.

I was having lunch with a dear friend last week, our conversation soon led to us talking about our parents. I mentioned the 20th anniversary. I told my friend that what really struck me was how much I have changed over the past 20 years, and that the 26-year-old that I was when my father died is a distant memory. If I had changed so much over the years, then my father would have certainly done the same, had he still been alive.

It is impossible for me to accurately imagine what my father would be like had he still been here, or what the nature of our relationship would be like. It often feels like he is frozen in time, whenever I think about him. And it feels unfair to both of us to apply the eyes of yesterday to our relationship of today; albeit a non-physical relationship!

As the past 20 years have unfolded, I have come to see my father through the lenses of three chapters – childhood, adolescence and adulthood. More

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The dilemma of Lot’s Wife – To look back or not!

Ade FBOne of the tales that has always stayed with me from the “Sunday School of my childhood” is the story of “Sodom & Gomorrah”. Now, it would be easy to base this on the fact that I am gay, and that the story of Sodom is often used by fundamentalists to chastise gay people. But, that is not the case. Long before I knew for sure that I was gay, I knew about the story of Sodom.

More specifically, I knew about the story of Lot’s wife. It was a story that our Sunday School teachers would come back to, time and time again, and it was certainly the most haunting of the bible stories from that period of my life. I was fascinated by the story of this woman who was turned into a pillar of salt! I guess the story felt like it was straight out of 1001 Arabian Nights or Greek Mythology – two other delights from my childhood. More

The time procrastination almost got in the way!

Black and GayA few months ago I had the honour and pleasure of having one of my stories included in the anthology “Black and Gay in the UK“.  A copy of the book has found its resting place in our living room, and yesterday evening it found its way into my hands, as I found myself delving into one of its many stories.

Since its publication, I have found that I want to savour each and every story, like a delicious treat that I do not wish to end. And so, every now and then, I’ll pick up the book and reread a tale or discover a new one.

Last night, I discovered a new one and in the process I reconnected with the younger version of myself who longed to know that he was not the only one who felt ‘different’ from the other boys. That younger self who yearned to find a place where he was loved and accepted exactly as he was. That younger self who craved for connection and belonging.

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Love Letter to my Ugandan and Nigerian LGBTI Brothers and Sisters

My Sexuality - CollageLove and I, repeat again, Love and I.
Love is termed as the greatest of it all,
because any kind of Love is better than all kinds of hatred.

Though we are faced with greater challenge today, but am sure we shall conquer it all.

Though we live in a continent
where hatred is now perpetually the message we hear, by the people around us, in the media, and every corner we turn our ears. More

Now is not the time to hide our heads in shame

Ade FBDuring a visit to Nigeria in 2004, my mother told me about a massive row she had recently had with her neighbour. The row had started because the neighbour had put up some cables in front of my mother’s apartment without her permission. My mother in anger had pulled down the cables and hence this massive row  – during which they shouted and called each other names. It went on for ages. My mother said, out of nowhere the neighbour shouted “Don’t take your frustrations out on me, just because your son is a homosexual”. My mother said “that just destroyed me and I went inside and started crying”. More

Telling Stories

A short documentary following Paul Woodward and myself as we prepared for our two separate one-man storytelling performances in “The Father+Mother Project” – ‘Killing My Mother’ and ‘Fathers & Feathers.’

This film was produced, directed and edited by Francois Lubbe (littleredshoes.me).

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