5 Qualities I bring to a Relationship

It appears the blog on ‘5 Qualities I would like in a Boyfriend‘ resonated with a number of people, as it recorded the highest number of hits (so far) in a day on the OutTales site.

In reflecting on the piece, I was conscious that the other side to that coin also needed to be explored. I therefore went back to contributors to the ‘5 Qualities I would like in a Boyfriend’, and this time asked what ‘5 Qualities do you bring to a relationship’. The intention behind this second question was to provide a more rounded picture to the earlier piece – the first question explored what was desired externally, with the new question exploring the internal perspective.

In asking the second question, I was also curious to know whether there was a match in the themes of what was being asked for from a boyfriend and what was being offered to the boyfriend – aka to the relationship. The qualities the contributors felt they brought to a relationship were,

  1. Love
  2. Spirit
  3. Romance
  4. Stability
  5. Loyalty
  1. A person of faith
  2. Intellectual
  3. Sense of Humour
  4. Playful
  5. Loyalty

This is what I think are basic rules for any relationship and every other thing shall be added, and life will be worth living. It takes just two to tango, no one is perfect, but I will try my best in my own little way. Love conquers everything:

  1. Loving my partner right
  2. Honesty and faithfulness
  3. With whatever my earnings large or little, always make a little provision for who I love.
  4. Good sex
  5. Patience and communication, share each others’ view on any issue and come to a rational conclusion.
  1. Openness
  2. Sincerity and Honesty
  3. Understanding: A helping hand and  supporter
  4. Love – we all don’t have it all, but when you love someone, you love the totality of the person, wanting the best always
  5. Friendship.
  1. To love affectionately
  2. To communicate well
  3. To give my body and soul
  4. To be honest at all times
  5. To be matured in all situations
  1. Heart and soul
  2. Companionship
  3. Loyalty and truly madly deep love
  4. Being a gentleman and respect
  5. A deep understanding and practice of there is nothing that cannot be resolved without communication
  1. Moral and psychological support
  2. Good Sex
  3. Companionship
  4. Friendship
  5. Love (eventually)
  1. Emotionally available
  2. Playful
  3. Friendship
  4. Committed to building an intimate relationship
  5. Comfortable and at ease with being an out gay man

I end with a contribution from the same person, who ended the ‘5 Qualities I want in a Boyfriend’ piece,

In my original response to what 5 qualities I look for, I said that I no longer am looking for any specific things on a list, so to be fair to myself and the guy I get involved with I am prepared to bring my most authentic self to the equation.

With all the insecurities we seem to have, it can be the hardest thing to do to bring yourself and hope that someone will accept you fully and unconditionally. I think it’s why people fear involvement, but the truth is you are going to show up at some point, so it might as well be at the beginning so the person knows what they are getting involved with.

Even though I know this, I have to constantly reinforce the fact that intention will dictate the outcome of any situation, so it’s important that we know why we are getting involved with anyone or anything.

To be honest with ourselves, so we can be honest with them. I believe at that point that if I have the proper intention, no matter the outcome it will benefit me no matter what.

I am conscious that it takes more than 5 qualities to build a relationship. And even with an endless list of qualities met by both partners, sometimes Life gets in the way and the relationship flame simply passes out!

Nonetheless, one of the things that I am gradually learning in relationship (and friendship) is continually asking myself, ‘Am I giving that, which I am yearning to receive?’ – If I am yearning for emotional availability, am I being emotionally available? If I am longing for sincerity and honesty, am I being sincere and honest? I am finding that this self-inquiry is a continual process, with valuable insights, that I am still learning from each day.

Copyright © 2011 OutTales.

5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Nash
    Oct 13, 2011 @ 18:09:02

    I really enjoyed this second piece. Funny thing is that my boyfriend and I went through something similar. We had a moment of truth that shed a lot of light to our relationship. I shared this article with him and we both agree on the principles behind it. I wish more relationships even friendships rallied under the same principles.


    • OutTales
      Oct 13, 2011 @ 21:50:08

      Thanks Nash. The more I think about it, the more i feel that it is important to have an idea of what qualities a person wants in a boyfriend/friend and what qualities the person also brings to the relationship – i think ‘qualities’ and very much like ‘values’ or ‘guiding principles’. Without them there is a danger that one simply drifts whichever way the wind blows; compromising and selling out oneself – if i have no idea of what i want, how will i know when i find it?

      I love that you shared this with your boyfriend and had a dialogue around it – that’s special!


  2. OutTales
    Oct 20, 2011 @ 15:33:17

    An additional list of 5 Qualities, sent in by one of the contributors to the earlier piece:
    – Maturity/fidelity
    – Openness
    – Great sex
    – Financial input/sharing
    – Time


  3. Johnny Boy
    Oct 08, 2013 @ 13:06:16

    This is a great post. Everyone always writes about what they want in their ideal partner/wife/husband, but how many people actually take the time to list out relationship traits they want or what they would bring to the table?

    For example, here’s a good blog where he does just that too except he lists 10 traits:

    It’s great because like most people he admits the trap he’s fallen into, and starts, as he put it, a “new trend”.

    Definitely think more people should make lists like yours before entering into something serious. It’s a fun exercise me thinks.


    • OutTales
      Oct 08, 2013 @ 14:16:59

      i so agree Johnny Boy…. its a fun exercise to do with a partner/wife/husband/BF/GF…… i did it with mine last year and was a great way of reconnecting…..

      Thanks for commenting….


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