To be in her presence is to take off my shoes
and dance wearing the shoes of another
For my shoes are seen as not good enough
my shoes are seen as damaged
my shoes are seen as flawed.
She invites me to be invisible
She chooses not to see me
I learnt to hide in her presence
I came to know that to show up as myself, meant being shamed
I stand before her naked and yet she does not see me.
She silently utters, ‘leave your shoes behind,
If you wish to dance with me
I do not wish to hear your song
My tune is all I want sung
Dance with me at your peril’.
In her presence, I felt flawed and damaged
In her presence, I wished to be someone other than myself
and I knew she longed for the same too.
To be in the presence of another,
whom I knew deep in my heart did not accept me.
Another whom I knew,
that because of the pain in her own being,
was unable to see me.
To be with her in truth, means an abandonment of myself
I want to trust that it is okay to show up
I want to be myself in her presence
I want to show up with Pride
I want to be visible in her presence and be okay with it.
I want to be my authentic self with her,
and yet she is unable to dance with me,
whilst allowing me to wear my own shoes, and sing my own song.