I Know A Few Things About Waiting

I know a few things about waiting,
you see, for a long time that’s all I did.
Waiting for that tomorrow where I’d be welcomed
and embraced by benevolent witnesses.
Yes, I know a few things about waiting.
Waiting for that storm to pass, for the waves to settle.
Yearning and longing. Dreaming and hoping,
for the life that I had imagined to finally begin.

I know a few things about hiding, while waiting.
You see, I’d come to understand that waiting
for all to see, only made people curious.
So I hid and when not hiding, I pretended that I was not waiting.
Afraid to come out of the shadows, compromising on who I know myself to be,
selling out to fit-in,wearing masks for fear of being abandoned.

I know a few things about clinging on, while waiting.
Wishing for the blissful summer to never end,
afraid that I’d be swept away with the Autumn leaves,
and by Winter, forgotten like a distance memory of what never was.

I know a few things about searching, while waiting.
You see, I’d come to believe that I needed something,
to quench the void in that yearning heart of mine.

I know a few things about keeping busy, while waiting.
You see, I’d come to learn that not being busy made my mind wander,
leaving me with thoughts of not good enough and unworthiness.
Flawed, broken and not welcomed in the land of my ancestors.

So I searched and kept busy, while waiting.
Searching in family, friends and lovers,
Keeping busy in jobs, travel and adventure.
Ending up where I had started, waiting.
Yearning and longing.
Dreaming and hoping for another tomorrow,
when my real life would finally begin.

I don’t do much waiting these days.
You see, I’ve come to understand that the world does not stop,
and wait for me to move.
I have come to learn that its okay to wait awhile,
but that the secret is to keep moving, whilst I heal.
While waiting, I have come to discover that
to love and be loved does not always mean,
we will have a picnic in the meadow,
and skip off together into the fading sun.