One Man, One God, One Lifelong Question

This entry was initially made on August 18 2006 in my blog. It was the beginning of my attempt to answer one question, that I have answered in so many different ways over the years.

What is God? 

********On God. This thought started out after Jummah today **********

I believe in God. I believe he created human beings and all other things. I believe he is watching over us and keeping track of our actions. I believe in the Quran, I believe it is the word of God and I agree with most of what it says except for a very small part.

God is everything, has always been everything. So when Adam and Eve were in the garden of Eden, God was the serpent and he made them defy him in order to justify unleashing all this suffering on all of mankind to placate his sadistic nature. Then he defined free will as a way of perpetuating the deception through time. You pray to him and thank him for his mercies, but he is not merciful. More

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Wrestling with Shadows, whilst Searching for God (Part 1)

2002 was such a significant year for me. An intimate relationship had come to an end and I found myself confronted with old wounds from the past. I was in the process of  letting-go of a series of close, yet unsatisfying, friendships. I had also had a fall whilst on holiday that Spring, which had led to major surgery on my left eye. As part of my inquiry into the physical and emotional wounds I was bearing, I found myself visiting Nigeria after an absence of almost 14 years. At the time, I felt that in order to move forward, I needed to retrace my steps. Prior to the visit, I had reached the conclusion that something was still broken in my life; despite trying to cover ‘it’ up in so many different ways – via career, relationships, friends, travel and ‘stuff’. In my inquiry, I decided that there was one place that had not yet been fully searched – the Spiritual Path. Therefore, on my return from Nigeria in Autumn 2002, I joined the Interfaith Seminary and a new chapter of my life began.

One of the exercises I had to do as part of the entry into the Seminary was to write a ‘Reflections on my personal religious experience, my spiritual journey and what led me to join the Interfaith Seminary’. I have not looked at the reflections I wrote, since 2002. Reading it the other day, brought to mind the shadows I have wrestled (and in some cases, continue to wrestle), whilst longing and searching for the Divine. I share with you here, the unedited reflections. I have resisted the temptation to edit the piece, with a view to gloss over some aspects of my journey. For I am gradually learning that there is something so powerful and transformational in simply telling it, as it was then. And that its okay to feel whatever emotions come up – the highs, the lows and everything in between; those emotions are simply shadows and when I shine the light on them – by sharing my story consciously and authentically – those shadows simply disappear in the light.

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