The theme for September is ‘Faith, Religion & Spirituality’

31 Aug 2011 2 Comments

by OutTales in Religion & Spirituality Tags: , , ,

For the month of September, the theme for the stories to be shared is ‘Faith, Religion & Spirituality’.

I have always had a curiosity about God and the Divine mystery of Life. I remember lying awake every night when I was around 8 wondering where God came from and what existed before God. During that phase, I remember being fascinated with my grandfather, who was muslim, respond to the ‘call to prayer’, watch him wash, get the prayer-mat out and do his prostrations to Allah. I remember at age 10, attending a Baptist church with our neighbours and my parents being very accommodating of my curiosity about the divine mystery. In my early teens, I remember my mother allowing the weekly visits of a local Jehovah’s Witness, as we sat on the balcony and talked about God and ‘The Kingdom’. More

Family and the Longing for Authentic Validation

29 Aug 2011 5 Comments

by OutTales in Family Tags: , ,

About 10 or so years ago, a close friend and I had as our catchphrase, ‘I don’t need validation, I am validating Me’. I cannot help but smile as I reflect on our pride as we paraded around singing our theme tune to ourselves and anyone who dared cross our path. Our catchphrase was at some point replaced with a line from the Destiny’s Child song “Independent Woman” – ‘I depend on Me’ (said with raised eyebrow and hand gesture – hmm, actually maybe I just made that up, but you get my drift!). We’d been burnt by so many who crossed our path, from family, friends, lovers to work colleagues and somewhere along the line we had decided to develop thick skin and freeze out anyone whom we felt could potentially hurt us.

What I now know many years later is that having that catchphrase was my attempt to protect myself from the pain of longing for validation, that somehow never came in my youth. And on those rare moments when it did come, never recognising it through my lenses of low self-worth and that feeling of being eternally flawed. More

Emerging from our Family and the Release of our Authentic Self

25 Aug 2011 1 Comment

by OutTales in Family Tags: , , ,

I was sharing stories with a close friend a few weeks ago. We were both talking about our life journey and the events that have led us to be the people we are today. We shared stories about our families and the paradox of our love for them, combined with our strong desire to walk away from their embrace, when we came to the realisation (and acceptance) that their embrace came with many conditions attached. One condition being that they accepted us only when we played along with their desired perception of ourselves.

They had accepted our false self, during that time in our life when we had denied our true self, by refusing to step forward and stand openly with pride, as same gender loving men. In our conversation, we talked about the various masks we had worn over the years; yearning to be accepted & belong, and at the same time, longing to release our authentic self and live our own life.

As we shared stories, I recollected a verse from the bible in Luke 14:26  where Jesus says, “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters – yes, even his own life – he cannot be my disciple”. Whilst I do not, at this point in my life, subscribe to an organised religion, I do recognise the wisdom that is contained in the many traditions and world faiths. That was one of the things that drew me to becoming an Interfaith Minister – anyway, I digress and that’s all another story. Back to the verse….. More

Is My House Too Gay?

23 Aug 2011 12 Comments

by OutTales in Family Tags: ,

I love talking about the relationship with my dad. We have gone from rejection to acceptance, ignorance to understanding, fear to boldness; and with the impact of love and growth in self-worth, there is no doubt that each higher level sets new challenges and much more for our relationship.

I am very grateful to my dad and it is with his love that I am able to be most of who I am. He has on numerous times explained to me the concept of pioneering, as he is no stranger to fighting for what is right and necessary, even for the sanctity of Christian education and African theological preservation – there is therefore  inherence on my path, to fight for what is right for me and for many others. I am also conscious that the relationship I have with my father is mired with envy, jealousy and sometimes outright evil from within and external forces of life.

As I open up on new an issue in our relationship, that is both engaging and interesting, you will recognise the extent of my growth with my father, as a gay son. More

What Family Means to Me

15 Aug 2011 Leave a comment

by OutTales in Family Tags: ,

I have very mixed feelings and ambiguous emotions about the term ‘family’; and the importance of family. But I do not believe in the metaphor that that ‘blood is thicker than water’ when it comes to my blood relations and blood family.  For me, I believe the aforementioned adage applies to my nuclear family and those I choose to become ‘family’ in my life. This includes friends and partners.

Family, to me, are the people that care about me ‘no matter what’. It does not need to matter if they are genetically related to me or not, but what matters to me is that they love me and I love them back in return. This to me is family.

I have concluded that my immediate nuclear family i.e. my wife and children mean the ‘world’ to me. One of my four brothers means the world to me – I am related to all these by blood. I have a few friends that mean the world to me and I have had male partners who have meant the world to me; and I still consider these partners and friends as family, despite them not being my blood relations. More

Is Pride something to be Proud of?

19 Jul 2011 Leave a comment

by OutTales in Pride Tags: , , ,

Recently I was at London Pride, celebrating 25 years since my first Pride event. I love to be out on the streets of central London with thousands of out and proud queers and sensing how the good vibration we bring spreads through us and into the atmosphere of the Capital’s streets.

I was thrilled when a few years ago the park parties stopped (because they had become so commercial and bland) and we focussed our celebration in the centre of the city, particularly because we took over Trafalgar Square, the centre of the nation, and raised our rainbow flags high, giving out powerful social and political messages. More

Previous Older Entries Next Newer Entries

Discover your authentic Self

Share your OutTale with us

Love Me As I Am – The Book