What Coming Out means to me

Although I am relatively content with my life and I have come out of the closet to some people, I have equally chosen to not come out of the closet to others.

Coming out of the closet to everyone in my life and to people who know me continues to scare me profoundly.  I can only call this a form of profound fear because I am afraid of the awkwardness it might create for me and I fear the negative consequences of losing the things that I hold dear – this includes my sense of self, the validation and respect of some friends, some colleagues, some relatives and my in-laws – I fear what they would think and how they would react. Do I really want to know what they think about my sexuality? NO! Do they really need to know what my sexuality is? NO!  Do they need to know I am not monogamous sexually? NO! More

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Toto, I have a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore!

When I was 13, I knew I was gay. I didn’t do anything about it, until I was almost 22 – I spent the summer of that year in Kansas City!

I was afraid to be gay. Growing up in a northern English mill town, I heard the hate towards gay people, and I didn’’t want to be hated. More

Coming out to my Father

I never got to come out to my father. And it was only after his passing that I came to learn that he knew about the elephant in the room, he had simply never asked me and I had simply never told.

The first time I found out that he knew about the elephant in the room, was in the summer of 1989. My mother was visiting London from Nigeria, and one afternoon during a heated telling-off from her, she said ‘so I hear that you are now following men around’.

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Saying ‘I love you!’

In my adolescence, I was always hypnotized by those moments in movies or novels where the couple would say ‘I love you’ to one another. Or where the parents would say ‘I love you’ to one of their children. For me, this was not something that happened in my reality. They were three words I grew up never hearing; although in the imaginary world I had constructed for myself, I heard those words time and time again.

Expressing love through words was not something that was a done thing in my household. Love was expressed through ‘things’.  So I got to learn that my parents loved me when they got me ‘things’. And I came to interpret them not getting me ‘things’ as a sign of disapproval or rejection. More

The theme for January 2012 is ‘Risk’

For January 2012, the theme for the stories to be shared around the fire is ‘Risk’.

The beginning of the year is a time that is traditionally known for people setting New Year resolutions, plans or goals. For many these well-intended dreams vanish, even before the first month of the year is over. The main reason this happens is in the lack of courage to follow through on taking a risk; or put another way, the fear of taking a risk. More

Holding onto a fantasy, letting go of a dream

We had not seen each other for many weeks, which was unusual for us, as we would normally hang out most weekends. I had been the one to initiate recent telephone contact, during which I felt the intimacy gone from our conversations.

I felt something was amiss and did not know what to say or do. I wanted to address it, but deep in my heart I knew I was not ready to hear those words ‘It’s over!’ All I did was cling, afraid that letting go meant abandonment, an old childhood wound which had been reactivated, during those many weeks of not seeing each other.

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