The Paradox of Religion & Faith

02 Sep 2011 4 Comments

by OutTales in Religion & Spirituality Tags: , , ,

Religion has in the past played an integral part of my life and has significantly impacted on how my sexuality and sexual orientation has evolved. Religion (Christianity and Islam) has impacted on who I am and how I continue to live my life to a certain degree; and the choices that I have made, and continue to make.

In my opinion, the West African culture, (Nigerian culture to be specific to me) intertwines religion, faith and spirituality (be it Christianity or Islam or other traditional worshipping) with being ethical and moral. Hence, due to my religious upbringing (my dad is a Christian and my mum is a Muslim), I would suggest that this made me get married to a female and have a family; and initially suppress and fight against who I truly am. More

The theme for September is ‘Faith, Religion & Spirituality’

31 Aug 2011 2 Comments

by OutTales in Religion & Spirituality Tags: , , ,

For the month of September, the theme for the stories to be shared is ‘Faith, Religion & Spirituality’.

I have always had a curiosity about God and the Divine mystery of Life. I remember lying awake every night when I was around 8 wondering where God came from and what existed before God. During that phase, I remember being fascinated with my grandfather, who was muslim, respond to the ‘call to prayer’, watch him wash, get the prayer-mat out and do his prostrations to Allah. I remember at age 10, attending a Baptist church with our neighbours and my parents being very accommodating of my curiosity about the divine mystery. In my early teens, I remember my mother allowing the weekly visits of a local Jehovah’s Witness, as we sat on the balcony and talked about God and ‘The Kingdom’. More

Family and the Longing for Authentic Validation

29 Aug 2011 5 Comments

by OutTales in Family Tags: , ,

About 10 or so years ago, a close friend and I had as our catchphrase, ‘I don’t need validation, I am validating Me’. I cannot help but smile as I reflect on our pride as we paraded around singing our theme tune to ourselves and anyone who dared cross our path. Our catchphrase was at some point replaced with a line from the Destiny’s Child song “Independent Woman” – ‘I depend on Me’ (said with raised eyebrow and hand gesture – hmm, actually maybe I just made that up, but you get my drift!). We’d been burnt by so many who crossed our path, from family, friends, lovers to work colleagues and somewhere along the line we had decided to develop thick skin and freeze out anyone whom we felt could potentially hurt us.

What I now know many years later is that having that catchphrase was my attempt to protect myself from the pain of longing for validation, that somehow never came in my youth. And on those rare moments when it did come, never recognising it through my lenses of low self-worth and that feeling of being eternally flawed. More

Emerging from our Family and the Release of our Authentic Self

25 Aug 2011 1 Comment

by OutTales in Family Tags: , , ,

I was sharing stories with a close friend a few weeks ago. We were both talking about our life journey and the events that have led us to be the people we are today. We shared stories about our families and the paradox of our love for them, combined with our strong desire to walk away from their embrace, when we came to the realisation (and acceptance) that their embrace came with many conditions attached. One condition being that they accepted us only when we played along with their desired perception of ourselves.

They had accepted our false self, during that time in our life when we had denied our true self, by refusing to step forward and stand openly with pride, as same gender loving men. In our conversation, we talked about the various masks we had worn over the years; yearning to be accepted & belong, and at the same time, longing to release our authentic self and live our own life.

As we shared stories, I recollected a verse from the bible in Luke 14:26  where Jesus says, “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters – yes, even his own life – he cannot be my disciple”. Whilst I do not, at this point in my life, subscribe to an organised religion, I do recognise the wisdom that is contained in the many traditions and world faiths. That was one of the things that drew me to becoming an Interfaith Minister – anyway, I digress and that’s all another story. Back to the verse….. More

Is My House Too Gay?

23 Aug 2011 12 Comments

by OutTales in Family Tags: ,

I love talking about the relationship with my dad. We have gone from rejection to acceptance, ignorance to understanding, fear to boldness; and with the impact of love and growth in self-worth, there is no doubt that each higher level sets new challenges and much more for our relationship.

I am very grateful to my dad and it is with his love that I am able to be most of who I am. He has on numerous times explained to me the concept of pioneering, as he is no stranger to fighting for what is right and necessary, even for the sanctity of Christian education and African theological preservation – there is therefore  inherence on my path, to fight for what is right for me and for many others. I am also conscious that the relationship I have with my father is mired with envy, jealousy and sometimes outright evil from within and external forces of life.

As I open up on new an issue in our relationship, that is both engaging and interesting, you will recognise the extent of my growth with my father, as a gay son. More

We are One in Adodi, We are One in Brotherhood!

21 Aug 2011 3 Comments

by OutTales in Family Tags: ,

I first joined Adodi in 2008, after being encouraged by a brother I met online from DC CHARLES NELSON. He encouraged me to apply for the Scholarship, where 50% of the fees are paid for by Brothers who can afford to pay. He said that if I did and was successful, he would pay the other half, I would only have to pay the flight etc.

I looked into Adodi, thought I would give it a try, and posted off my application; which after Charles’ help was successful – and he kept his word. He held my hand throughout the time, up until the retreat in Ohio in July 2008. We spent time together before & after the retreat, sharing hotels and food etc. It was the first time IN my life that I had witnessed and experienced something so generous and unconditional; on the retreat I met another 90 or so Brothers, who all thought the same. The experience was life-changing, to say the least. I decided there and then to commit to Adodi for the rest of my life and attend the annual retreats, and chant to that effect – being a Buddhist. More

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