What Family Means to Me
15 Aug 2011 Leave a comment
I have very mixed feelings and ambiguous emotions about the term ‘family’; and the importance of family. But I do not believe in the metaphor that that ‘blood is thicker than water’ when it comes to my blood relations and blood family. For me, I believe the aforementioned adage applies to my nuclear family and those I choose to become ‘family’ in my life. This includes friends and partners.
Family, to me, are the people that care about me ‘no matter what’. It does not need to matter if they are genetically related to me or not, but what matters to me is that they love me and I love them back in return. This to me is family.
I have concluded that my immediate nuclear family i.e. my wife and children mean the ‘world’ to me. One of my four brothers means the world to me – I am related to all these by blood. I have a few friends that mean the world to me and I have had male partners who have meant the world to me; and I still consider these partners and friends as family, despite them not being my blood relations. More
Family Ties: Reality of Blood Relationship
12 Aug 2011 Leave a comment
in Family Tags: Family, Gay Africa
Maintaining Family-ties is very central to most traditional Africans. An attempt to disrupt that could be suicidal. That was my case for many years. I was ready to do all it takes to maintain it, because as they say blood is thicker than water.
I grew up in a family of two sisters and one brother, as the last child. My father was more or less the only child of his parents. He was raised by his aunt and through her, she had one sister and two brothers (never call them cousins; there is no vocabulary for that in Yoruba culture). I always felt a great bond with my siblings and with my extended family as well. Both were often robed with “aso-ebi” during ceremonies. But, is blood really thicker than water?
As a young man conscious of his ambiguous sexuality, I was deeply confused with no one to confide in. I lived most of my pubescent to adulthood alone and in fear because of this reality. My anxiety was around the shame I could bring to the family and the rejection I would suffer. To avoid that, I was on the run from myself. I ran away from a profession I had passion for (comedy) to becoming a Catholic Priest, my second choice career. The priesthood stood as the stage shutter between me and those who may question my sexuality. It turned me to the fan and fancy of my family and friends, until I came out. More
Is Blood really Thicker?
10 Aug 2011 2 Comments
Looking back on my life journey I realise that I have always questioned the meaning of ‘family’ and whether ‘blood is really thicker than water’. This was a phrase that I heard a lot whilst growing up. Deep down I have never really believed the phrase, for life has come to show me that when the storm comes, our family of origin will not necessarily be there to hold us in love and let us know that the storm eventually passes.
When I look back at the storms that have crossed my path, I have found that it is mostly those to whom I have had no blood ties that have been there to comfort me through the dark nights. It is those people who have encouraged me to live an authentic life, rather than remain bound in the shackles of shame and denial. More
LGBTQ Stories from the African Diaspora
09 Aug 2011 Leave a comment
in General
Recently came across a newly launched site also providing a platform for LGBTQ stories.
African YourStory is a blog for LGBTQ people from the African Diaspora. Whether you’re in Africa or you’re of African heritage from somewhere else in the world, take a few moments to share your story about how you came to celebrate yourself as the beautiful Lesbian, Gay, Bi-, Trans- or Queer person you are.
There are some journeys that make us who we were always meant to be… Tell us about yours!
Check them out by clicking here
The theme for August is ‘Family’
01 Aug 2011 2 Comments
For the month of August, the theme for the stories to be shared is ‘family’.
I remember being invited to a Christmas gathering by an aunt about 14 years ago. As we spoke on the phone I had visions of how the event was going to play out and knew that in order to make it through dinner, I would have to leave my authentic self behind. I had only recently started coming out to people and was not in the mood to keep on the mask I was still in the process of removing. As luck would have it, along with some other friends, I had already planned my own special Christmas family gathering. The idea was to bring together friends who for one reason or another were not spending that day with their family of origin. So, during that conversation with my aunt, I told her that I was spending Christmas with ‘my other family’. ‘But, we ARE your family’ she responded! More
OutTales around the Fire 